Do Women Really Know What Men Want?
Unfortunately men typically aren’t very open and forthcoming about what their emotional desires are in a relationship. However, they will intricately and without hesitation, describe their idea of their perfect woman’s physical attributes. Men are even more adept at telling you what they don’t want or even what they won’t compromise in, as it relates to a women’s appearance or weight. Therefore, we’d like to think that physicality is the only thing they care about. When I talk to men who openly confess their emotional desires, I immediately take mental note. In some cases, I will actually draft a note on my BlackBerry in order to record the sparse jewels of information they offer, to later share with women I know.
Some men claim they are simple and easy to please. I beg to differ. I don’t think that women should rest on or feel comfortable in that premise. What I do think is that men desire fundamental basics in relationships that should be common but as the phrase goes, ‘common sense isn’t common’. The following are a few of those fundamental desires of the men I have spoken with. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but certainly a good outline to begin with.
1) Men crave honesty.
Be honest and truthful. If you two are serious about one another why be dishonest with one another? ~ Andrew
Women are not the only gender who desire truthfulness in relationships. Many men feel tricked and coerced into relationship. They contend that at the start of a casual relationship, women will say they want nothing serious in order to trap them, only to later demand commitment. Some men feel as though women lie and pledge their love when they barely even like the men they are with. Another point of importance to men is to know how promiscuous a woman has been in the past. When a woman lies about the extent of her sexual history, men tend to take that as a blatant disrespect. I’m not saying that we should disclose all of our secrets in the beginning of a relationship. However, it is only fair to own up to every scandal before it is uncovered later. Whatever it is could be a deal-breaker. We require transparency, they do as well. ‘The truth will make you free.’
2) Men want to be held accountable. I’m not sure how the tables turned exactly, but men used to be the stronger sex. Too many women are playing the role as the man and letting men get away with not being men. Women are becoming more forgiving of their men’s shortcomings which is only creating weak, wimpy men who won’t stand strong and aren’t responsible. We cripple men and enable them when we sweep their errs under the rug and refuse to shine a light on their mess in an effort to keep them. Men don’t respect weak women. We are to stand with them, not allow them to walk all over us.
Love us less. Women, starting from our mothers to our lovers, overlook our faults and shortcomings. Love us enough to let us know what they are.
To quote Olivia Pope, “Love is making him face who he is”.
3) Men need our respect. Respect is one the most fundamental necessities in any relationship, especially the one between a woman and a man.
It (respect) is an essential component of submission and protection of a man’s interests…the respect of a woman ignites and affirms a man’s passions. We want that more than love. ~ Toby
It’s important to ensure that they are confident that we not only respect them within our home, but that we also do so in public. Which means not trashing him to your mother or your girlfriends when he messes up. What goes on in your household should remain there. Your respect for him should also be evident in the way you communicate with him. Belittling him or challenging his manhood is the most disrespectful action to a man. Respect him by valuing his gifts to your relationship and honoring him as the head of your relationship.
4) Men want their love and commitment to them affirmed.
I am always looking to be affirmed in a relationship. The relationship goes astray when one of the parties feels as though they are not valued or the other is not receptive to the gestures of commitment and affirmation. Thus for me, I need to be assured of your equal commitment. ~ Steve
We want to feel as though our love is reciprocated and appreciated, men are no different. Don’t think that women should be the only party put on a pedestal and catered to. A real woman knows how to make her man feel like a king. While in a room full of men, she makes him feel as though he is the only man she sees. Shower him with surprises. Brag on him to your friends and families. Let him know that you not only love him, but that you also like him. Make sure that he knows that he is your best friend.
5) Men want to know that they are understood, not merely heard. They want to be certain that what they have to say matters. Don’t discount their opinion as if yours is better. Their wants and desires for the relationship are as equally important as ours. We tend to talk a lot, men – not so much. When communicating with them, allow them to fully express what’s on their minds instead of talking over them. Nothing is more frustrating than trying to get your point across and the other party refuses to hear you. Always be a listening ear to them. Be their confidant. Make certain that they know that their thoughts are valued.
Listen. Work hard to understand and learn me. ~ Will