Rules of Engagement

happy-black-coupleI’ve been told that if a woman pursues a man for a relationship; eventually he will lose interest because he was not the pursuer. Further, that if a man is interested in a woman, all she has to do is be still─be herself and he will come for her.

I’ve also been advised that not all attention is good attention; that women tend to do too much in an effort to pursue and attract men only to turn them off. To that I say, “be seated, please—and stop giving bogus relationship advice!”

The commencement of any mating connection will vary depending on the personalities of both parties involved. There are no rules of engagement. Not all men are the same. Therefore, not all men are attracted to the same things. Some men are aggressive and hunters by nature─not all men. Some men would rather be approached. Some are hesitant to approach women for fear of rejection. Then some men are just shy; they’ll watch women from afar but will never make a move. I also find that there are men who are responsible enough to not enter into relationships when they’re not ready. They’d rather deal with the issues or circumstances that they currently face before bringing a woman into the middle of their chaotic situation.

So if a woman is interested and wants a man to notice her; what is she to do? What would be wrong with expressing our interest in a mature and direct manner? Surely it would be more welcomed instead of playing games and hinting around at what we want. We should be honest and let men know how we feel. (Men ought to do the same.) If he is a mature man, he won’t be intimidated and will respond in a respectful responsible way. I further feel that if a man is really into you, is attracted to your personality and enamored with the many characteristics that make up the sensational YOU, the things you do will be a complete turn-on rather than a turn-off.

Personally, I am not afraid to make my desires known to a man. I do though, refrain from going as far as asking him out; but I will certainly let him know I’m attracted. After doing so, I tend to leave the ball in his court. I feel that once I’ve broken the ice, it’s up to him to take the lead if he’s interested. I firmly believe in the man being the head of the relationship, the leader. I realize that not everyone is keen on that concept. I guess I’m forward thinking and old fashioned at the same time. If I’ve let a man know that I’m into him and he chooses not to ask for my phone number or ask me out, I’ll assume he’s not interested. I’m not afraid of rejection, just as I’m not afraid to reject who or what’s not right for me.

We all face the possibility of rejection however, closed mouths aren’t fed. There is absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing what we want. In fact, we should.


Posted on September 18, 2013, in Dating and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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