Secrets for a Happy Husband: From a Divorced Woman
I often hear married women say that they’d never take relationship advice from single women. I’m mostly in agreement with that. There is so much more to marriage than there is to dating. Although dating can be every bit the challenge; it is not until you’ve been married that you uncover things that no one can ever quite teach you or show you by example.
The best advice, in my opinion, can be found in the nuggets of wisdom shared by a separated or divorced woman. We have a wealth of knowledge to draw from. Divorced women have been there and done that…we’ve seen it all. Some of us, such as I, would like to have the opportunity to get it right. So we tend to take matters of love more seriously. We long for the day that we can reenter the wonderful realm of love & marriage armed with our new-found insight and be successful. Take heed and copious notes in order not to find yourself in similar shoes.
- Don’t hide from him, your body or your affection…he loves you, he loves your body…give it to him. Don’t withhold sex from him. This point should be obvious, however from what I hear, many women fail to take it seriously. Remember, if he’s not getting “it” at home, he may opt to seek it elsewhere.
- Don’t kill his dreams. You are his wife, you are one with him. He should receive support and encouragement from you. You should be his #1 cheerleader. He shouldn’t have to seek support and a listening ear outside of your marriage. You’re his help-meet.
- Respect him. Don’t belittle his input or opinions. His thoughts about the decoration of your home, the color scheme of your wedding, the naming of your children, how you raise your children, etc. are just as important as yours. Vacations, holidays, dinners, even the simplicity of deciding what movie you guys see…take his desires into consideration.
- Make sure he knows you like him as well as love him. Don’t be cold towards him and act as if you are exasperated when communicating with him. Be interested. Learn to like what he likes, if not, learn to play it off and act like you do. Show him in your actions and with your words that you admire the person he is.
- Keep your bitter friends out of your ears and make sure he knows that whatever goes on in your marriage is no one else’s business. Don’t make him feel like you have to run everything he does by your mother or your sands. The intimate details of your relationship shouldn’t be common knowledge outside of your home. The opinions and input of others can damage your bond.
- Learn to forgive AND forget. Don’t hold his shortcomings over his head. Deal with whatever the issue is and let it go. Don’t continue to dwell on his faux pas and make him pay for them repeatedly. Doing so will only cause him to resent you. He’ll feel like no matter what he does, you’re never satisfied.
- He is not your girlfriend, don’t treat him as such. He’s a man. He doesn’t want to always hear the latest gossip and idle chatter about others. When he gets home from work, give him his space to decompress from the day. Don’t fill his ears with office politics and negativity.
- Don’t take for granted that he’s satisfied with you and begin to rest on your laurels. There is always more that you can do to be better. Don’t let yourself go. Maintain the sexy woman that he fell in love with. Workout, wear sexy lingerie, be playful. Be his wife and his girlfriend.
- Keep him interested. Try new things in the bedroom. Send him sexy text messages. Dance for him. Make him want to come home by making him wonder what joys await him when he gets home from work.
- Pray together. Pray over him. Lay hands on him when he’s ill. Study scripture together and attend church together. Keep God at the head of you covenant.
- Don’t compare him to men from your past or your girlfriend’s husband. Comparisons aren’t fair. He may not do what you see others doing because he is an individual just like any other. Focus on his gifts, help him strengthen his weakness.
Your marriage/relationship will not necessarily be easy. Marriage requires a lot of on-the-job training and a lot of hard work and dedication. Make sure you exhaust everything within your power before throwing in the towel. Your man is the head of the household but understand that the woman is the one who truly keeps things together. *wink*